in my 20 years:

- i have moved ten times
- i have used and partaken in six different kinds of recreational drugs.
- i have hit rock bottom.
- i have been shot at.
- i have had my heart fully destroyed twice.
- i have been homeless.
- i have been an addict.
- i have never broken a bone.
- i have seriously pondered suicide on more than one occasion.
- i have been in serious financial debt to three separate parties.
- i have had two jobs at once on three separate instances and time frames.
- i have had sex with a double-digit amount of people. 3 of them meant something.
- i have destroyed countless other peoples' hearts.
- i have been in countless fights in countless places.
- i have already been through my equivalent of tattoo removal.
- i have never had more than 800$ to my name at once.
- i have seen women holding babies ask me if i wanted a blowjob for 20$
- i have shared bottles and time with the people that are cast aside.
- i have picked up the pieces of my own heart countless times.
- i have nearly killed somebody.
- i have had a threesome.
- i have felt what it is to be truly empty.
- i have been in a touring band.
- i have had thirteen jobs.
- i have kissed so many people, i cant tell you how many nor half of their names.
- i have done things i regret.
- i have stolen.
- i have contemplated leaving and telling nobody where i go.
- i have been in legal trouble eight times.
- i have had warrants out for my arrest three times.
- i have gotten six free tattoos.
- i have won the city spelling bee.
- i have been on the front page of the newspaper four times.
- i have known what it feels like to truly be cold.
- i have been catholic.
- i have been an atheist.
- i have killed another mammal. not for the sake of food.
- i have knowingly gotten with a girl who was whole-heartedly loved by another man.
- i have been kicked out of a place of living four times.
- i have used people to get things that i want.
- i have not had contact with parents for seven months.
- i have been fired.
- i have been dumped twice.
- i have denied the opposite sex.
- i have placed in the county spelling bee.
- i have caught a turtle in the creek and kept it.
- i have vandalized.
- i have led people on.
- i have deceived.
- i have been on a hitchiking journey.
- i have woken up on a lawn.
- i have woken up naked next to somebody i dont know.
- i have been incarcerated.
- i have lost.
- i have had braces twice.
- i have only cried a handful of times.
- i have won jazz awards
- i have taught three people how to play the drums
- i have burned bridges
- i have punched and broken mirrors.
- i have lived on my own for a total of one year and three months
- i have known what it is to feel truly whole.
- i have had to endure the death of a BEST friend.
- i have been to seven funerals.
- i have been to disneyland fourteen times.
- i have been to las vegas seven times.
- i have seen a person inject heroin.
- i have seen a fourteen year old privileged boy smoke heroin.
- i have tried to drink all my troubles away.
- i have felt stupid.
- i have had to wear one change of clothes for two weeks straight.
- i have wrecked a hotel room on tour.
- i have had sex with a woman with fake boobs.
- i have lived in two metropoleses.
- i have stood in a food line.
- i have protested at the capitol.
- i have gotten coffee with a famous person.
- i have seen ron jeremy in real life. he looks better in the movies.
- i have watched porn.
- i have had four VERY close near-death experiences.
- i have had a gun pointed at my face.
- i have been robbed.
- i have bought coffee for somebody i didnt know.
- i have given up hope before.
- i have chugged a bottle of hot sauce.
- i have thrown up out of anxiety.
- i have destroyed no less than one person's life.
- i have been the catalyst to no less than one person's fate.
- i have been the nucleus to no less than one person's life.
- i have known what desperation is.
- i have LIVED.




i just want for it to all be over. im sick of being a 40 year old man trapped in a 20 year olds body.