another thing that's been ruling my life is my tendency to think too much and do dumb shit. I just had the really strong urge to contact my ex girlfriend via phone or text aim or myspace. of course I didn't. I hate that girl with what I can only describe as "passionate contempt". haven't talked or texted or whatevered a word to her since she kicked me out into the denver winter on janurary 2nd. if I'm thinking logically with only my head, I will never talk to her again. at all. ever. but very very rarely, I get sudden bursts of thought of the good times and I second guess myself for a second because I step out of logic and step back into love. I guess I just really want to feel what I once felt with somebody who actually MATTERS to me in a concrete, stable sense. I don't even venture into liking girls unless I can see myself with them long term. because short term relationships are stupidly pointless. I'm a hopeless romantic lush. and I come out the loser everytime. I wish I wasn't such a good person... so I could just run through a million girls and never get attached and never feel guilty and be happy with my false senses of security. but I'm too loving, I guess. I'm too deep, maybe. I require something more than physical connection. does that make me old fashioned? outdated? obsolete? a world devoid of morals is passing me right now laughing as it blows by, and I'm stuck standing in the middle of an intersection wondering if I follow the world or I go down my own street and pave my own path?
this place is a prison.
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