march seventh

It breaks my heart. Every night is one more chip off my cracked heart. One more souvenir for an empty pocket. And I don't have much heart left to spare, even less that I actually use for myself. I just want my friends and former fellow anchors to rise from the depths and be something more. But none of them want to. I'm not the person who can force them to change, and it fucking breaks my heart. But there's nobody stepping forward and saying "no, that's not ok" except for myself. And that also breaks my heart. The world is a cold place, and sharing the enveloping warmth that could only be intellectual rennaissance goes unappreciated. Who needs a thought process for warming comfort when you can have fire in your belly for 5.99. Instant gratification. The slogan of my generation. No discipline. No willpower. No need or desire for either. Just get fucked up, fuck, sleep, shit, and party. I guess it makes sense... I mean... why strive for a higher quality of life if it isn't encouraged by society? Or if there's no need? Or if its almost downright discouraged by the world? Look at the media. Depravity. Debauchery. Nothing real. Not even the music itself, most of the time. I'm not trying to change the world or make people think differently or even make people go cold turkey. I want people to think. I want to save the friends I love most from what I could easily describe as a "trite and meaningless" existence. But they don't want to be saved. And I'm running out of life rafts and floatables to throw, and I'm at the end of my last rope. Throwing life vests to people is useless if they refuse to put them on. I'm crying for a life less plagued...