January Recap.

- Made amends.
- Lost a job.
- Turned down my job offer for the airline.
- One awkward sexual encounter.
- Came up on a free sidekick.
- Sowed seeds.
- Returned to my OLD OLD self. Back to normal. Back to me. FINALLY.
- Stopped caring about the wrong things.
- Started caring about the right things.
- Played lots of pool.
- Bought lots of movies.
- Ran errands.
- Did sketchy things.
- Went to SF.
- Picked up a girl at work.
- Stole.
- Lied.
- Denied.
- Smiled a lot.
- Made friends.



Tonight, I drank 8 cups of coffee at mels and bowled two games with my homie C. Cook.


We spent ten dollars on the jukebox which got us 35 songs.
I brought back the good times and revived the dead days.

See You In a Month.



- Ryan-

Damn.

I fucking hate how impulsive I am sometimes.


The ball is rolling, and now its too heavy and too fast to stop.

No Subject.

Biker Collides With Concrete Curb, Dies

DENVER -- A 24-year-old man died Monday morning when his motorcycle crashed into a concrete curb in Littleton.

The accident happened around 2 a.m. on Holland Way and Mapplewood Place.

A black Suzuki motorcycle was southbound on South Holland Way when it drifted to the west side of the road and collided with the raised concrete curb, said Trooper Ryan Sullivan of the Colorado State Patrol.

"The rider was ejected and traveled into the grass shoulder and collided with multiple objects," Sullivan said.

The victim has been identified as Mitchell Marsolek of Lakewood, he said.

Marsolek suffered serious injuries and was taken to Swedish Medical Center where he later died.

He was wearing a helmet and alcohol and speed are being investigated as possible contributing factors, Sullivan said.


Copyright 2008 by TheDenverChannel.com. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

Its all fucked.

So fuck it all.

January Nineteenth, Two-Thousand and Nine.

One of my best friends drove me home last night at 2:00a.m. We get to my house, jump out, smoke a cigarette, then he tells me to get in the car. He drives. We wind up at Lake Berryessa and talk for hours about life and this town and how infectious it all is. I was very drunk, but I was there for him. We must have smoked an entire pack of Camel 100s. And I don't even smoke.


I guess it was just nice and somewhat of a consolation to know that I am not alone in my wild, rampant, erratic thoughts and impulses. That there is another person who feels the same things as I do. I thought I was an anomaly, but its somewhat comforting to know that Im more normal than I thought. Or that other people are as fucked up in the head as I am. Im crazy. I think I could clinically pass for a number of disorders and that I possess many traits of a defunct person. Damaged goods? I dont think I would go that far... but its always good to know Im not the only person on a sinking ship.


When I leave, it seems like he's coming with me. Same agenda. Same aspirations. Why not?

GoneTomorrow

I made the screen name when I was 13 years old and in tenth grade.




I guess I never knew how true and ironic it would be.





Im always here, and Im always leaving too.
GoneTomorrow.

The Deep End

Looks a lot better from below.

Leap of Faith.

I applied for my old job back in Eureka.





Fingers crossed?

Whispers in the Wind.

With all this background noise, I am barely even audible.









I am the background noise.

January Twelfth, Two-Thousand and Eight.

From:Patryk Grobelny pgrobelny@gmail.com pgrobelny@gmail.com
To:gonetomorrow@aol.com
Date:Mon, 12 Jan 2009 8:25 am

Please consider this email the official letter that was promised to you.
After the recent incident of a certain amount of money missing, I have investigated the situation as well as talked with everyone of you. After reviewing past history job performance as well as information gathered, I am unable to give you any hours from here on out. Your last payment will be mailed today to the address you provided on your application.
If you have any questions, please let me know.
Pat



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


From: gonetomorrow@aol.com
To: pgrobelny@gmail.com
Date:Mon, 12 Jan 2009 2:06 pm

Its truly sad when an honest individual such as myself is released from a place of employment for a dishonest action that he didnt do. Granted, I am a rather cold, emotionless individual devoid of most ambition and enthusiasm, but does my distant disregard for YOUR problem make me a thief? I didn't kiss your ass or blame other people, nor did I make it MY problem that somebody stole money from you unlike my former coworkers. It wasn't my problem. You didn't have and still do not have proper loss prevention systems implemented to ensure the safety of your product, your money, your employees, and your business. In the real world, you can't trust people. It was obvious to me by how you ran your business that you had never been forced to face the real world. If you are going to bring up "past employment history" up, you should be prepared to furnish your information, along with how you got it, just in case I have a change of heart down south and decide to take you to court if my paycheck is short for this week or if I hear from another employee that my name has escaped from your mouth again. I know that if I take you to court, I will have to pay back taxes unpaid due to being paid in cash, but that in itself is a very small price to pay for the utmost satisfaction that I didn't come out on bottom for nothing. In all honesty, I don't think you even have information on past employment20 history. So I can call that bluff right now anyways. For future referencing points, I recommend a little more professionalism on your behalf in dealing with these situations. I don't expect the runaround from you when I ask why I am not on the schedule, and you couldn't even man up and tell me I didn't have a job anymore.


I didn't steal your money. Nor did I ever swindle anything out of Sunglass Plus. I was an honest dude making a gold hearted effort to climb off the shit heap. And you knocked me back down. As I said, I didn't take your money... but it brings somewhat of a cold, satisfactory smile to my mouth to know that you fired the wrong person and that the real thief is still swindling you out of money and product right now as I type this.

Sincerely, Ryan
707 624 0616
219 Plantation Way
Vacaville, CA 95687

Blank.

I am really at somewhat of a loss for words. But for some reason, I still type. I think its because typing in this stupid fucking thing is literally the only constant in my life. This blog spans lifetimes, from the first post to the latest. I've been a lot of different people in that time frame. Friends have appeared and disappeared in that time span. The opposite sex has disappeared and reappeared in various different forms. I have been happy. I have been sad. I have been broke. I have indulged. I have had moments of clarity. Moments of sheer blur. I have been numbed drunk. I have been painfully sober. And through it all, here I still sit. Confused as day one. I dont write, I type. Whatever comes through these fingertips isn't thought, it is merely reaction and impulse. I don't want to leave yet, but I have nowhere to go. Rent got doubled and I lost one of my jobs. I have nowhere to go. Where is my true north? Who is my true north? If I dont know where I am, how do I know where I'm going? Who are you to me? What are you to me? What am I to you?


I got fired for something I honestly didnt do. Because I didn't suck up as much as the other employees. Because I didn't blame other people like the other employees blamed me. Because I kept my head down, my mouth shut, and continued to work, I got fired. I have no idea who took the fifty dollars. I dont care to know who did. I know that I didnt. But without getting on my knees and kissing somebody else's feet and begging mercy for my innocence, I might as well have done it. All I wanted was a fighting chance. All I want is a chance. Two jobs via the Vacaville Bus System aint easy, but I did it. Two jobs and full time school was even harder.... But I did it. I got my life on track. I crawled off the shit heap. I clawed my way out. But I guess life makes a track of its own...

Do I sink? Or do I swim?

January Tenth, Two-Thousand and Eight

Its a real true bummer when you realize that you have permanent hearing loss. And that its getting worse. I regret never wearing earplugs when I used to play music, or just drums in my garage. I regret never wearing earplugs when I worked six inches away from running jet engines for nine months. I regret still continuing to go to shows and blast my music. But now, the only way I can hear my music is if I blast it.

Pushed In.

My parents doubled my rent. Looks like I'll be out of here a lot sooner than I planned.


I'm tired of having all my decisions made for me by inconvenient road blocks in life.

January Ninth, Two-Thousand and Nine.

I got 20.74 for going to coinstar with a giant cup of change. I also bought a 24 pack of Coke for 6.99. Thats a great price if you break it down... winds out to be around forty cents a can or something like that?




I love having days where I don't work.

January Seventh, Two-Thousand and Eight.

Picked it up at target, along with Rockstar and Catch Me If You Can. Goodbye, social life.

Skywest is hiring in Denver. I'll be out of here by April or so. I have a tattoo appointment on the 25th. And many more after that. I might lose my kiosk job because somebody stole 50$ from the register. It wasnt me. I would have taken a lot more. This new girl is too perfect for me, I think I'll probably wind up messing it up. I made a very big New Years mistake. I am a very solitary person. I have too many new clothes. I work too much. I am giving my turtle to my sister. I am getting a tropical reef saltwater fish tank started. I am going to Denver to visit friends for a few days in two weeks. I wonder if she is still there. Like she was. Framed and embroidered in gold and on hold in my name. Come pick me up, I've landed. I like living in no mans land.

If you're not getting answers

Ask better questions.

January Fifth, Two-Thousand and Eight

Today, a a somewhat distant, somewhat close friend of mine said to me "I love New Ryan so much more than Old Ryan. And I HATED Old Ryan..."







I never knew she hated me.

When You Were Young.

"They say the Devil's water, it aint so sweet...
You don't have to drink right now.
But you can dip your feet in...
Every once in a little while..."

January Fourth, Two-Thousand and Nine.

:)


Looks like calm seas and a clear forecast.

January Second, Two-Thousand and Nine.

I logged onto my old desktop on my old computer and stumbled upon a lot of music I used to be really into. I listened again to make sure I wasn't just an impressionable 15 year old when I listened to it a lot. For some, they suck. But some are really really good and I appreciate the albums more now than I did then. I really can't stop listening to Between The Buried And Me's "The Silent Circus" album because it is so good and so far ahead of its time, even by today's standards. Other honorable mentions are Killing The Dream's self titled first album and Full Blown Chaos' "Wake The Demons" album. If you have no idea what I'm talking about and are curious as to try to see what I see in music, pick these albums up somewhere.

Quality of Life.

Is different than Quantity of Life.