Breathing deeply, walking backwards

I awaken shrouded in a thick veil of sweat. 3:10. I can feel the sunlight breathing on me through a closed window, the blinds translucent. Above, the background rhythm of my ceiling van remains eternal, letting the sounds of the world weave melodies around it. Definitely time to wake up. I pull my sticky legs together and sit up . Christ, its fucking hot. Somebody is grilling bacon somewhere close. Who the fuck makes bacon at 3:10 p.m. on a Thursday? I languidly gaze towards my nightstand. Amidst the bottles and various scrapbooks of time, I spy a pack of lucky strikes. Two left. I quickly steal one from the soft cellophane "box" and pat my nonexistant pockets habitually for a lighter. No dice. I'm in boxer briefs. What happened last night? The piercing silence lays down a tune over the fan. I bail to the kitchen and take out some bacon to make. Why is turkey bacon so much more expensive? Its a leaner meat, so technically it weighs less and should cost more. Thank god for the food stamps. God? No... thank myself for the food stamps. The blonde on the couch makes a soft groan and rolls back to sleep. Its hot and I imagine rolling over on a leather couch to be at least a little irritating. Must still be drunk. Of course she is, its 3:10 in the fucking afternoon. I hate cooking bacon. The reason I get turkey isn't because its healthier, no; I've got enough unhealthy habits to undo a marathon runner's regimen... I get turkey bacon because it spits less. You know... it doesn't throw grease on your knuckles or bare feet. And the pan is just a LITTLE easier to clean. I survey the fridge for an aid to my immediate thirst and find only a water faucet. Is it the first of the month yet? Not even close. I hate tap water. Not even any ice, either. Who is this girl on the couch? I really wouldn't even let her sleep with me? She really means that little to me? I guess in my intoxication, I didn't want her to be synonymous with a name that means something to me. A relic from my past. Ancient history resurfacing. But hey now that its morning, fuck it. I scoop her up and carry her to my bed. 5'3" and thin, a monument to vulnerability. Where did she go astray to wind up sleeping on the couch of a retch like me? She's pretty enough to be staring at me from a billboard. And naked enough to be taunting me from a news stand. Its too hot to function, so I stop functioning. I tip up a bottle of Popov, and my guilt vanishes. Livin cheap ain't easy man... I guess I'll always be wringing out the American dream before I soak it in gas and strike a match. She deserves better, so I give her better... I scoop her up again and put her on the bench outside my complex.... Anything is better than this...

Out of night comes day, out of day comes night.

Thoughts:

Juliette Binoche needs to be my wife. I'm drinking the sweetest unsweetened tea I've ever had, and its sugar free? I love iPhone. I need a sandwich. My room is dirty. Spongebob is excellent. Researching chameleon care. I lost at scrabble to my genious uncle. beer goggles + hotornot.com = fun. Bought a car today. An iPod would do me well. I need to look into piano lessons. my fan squeaks making it tough to sleep. craigslist is superb. Tomato soup and grilled cheese sounds good.

Later.

Sacramento-Seattle-Anchorage-Denver-Portland.



(Won't) see you thursday

smiles for nautical miles and knots

It is 4:02 a.m. on a Monday morning... I am with one of my best friends watching dumb and dumber. I haven't been to sleep in almost 24 hours. I woke up at 9am and worked from 11am to 1:30 am. We are pulling an absolute all nighter and then in about an hour, we're riding bikes to lake berryessa and back... me and two of my best friends. can life get better? really? I was supposed to go to denver today for a few days and catch a rockies game, but the flights are all full of course. So instead, me and Jake are catching a plane to seattle for the day then coming back at night. Work is getting more and more intense and I'm working insane hours. They added a bunch of new flights and dont have the staff to efficiently deal with it. So theres a lot of overtime available. Next week on my days off, Im going to LA for sam's birthday... week after that, Im gonna try denver again, after that, Alaska. I can't slow down. I won't slow down. I can't stop. I won't stop.









And ive had wayyyy too much coffee...

The sweet aint as sweet without the sour...

I'm bummed that I don't update this anywhere near as much as I used to. My dumb phone doesn't let me login to the site and I've been so busy lately that I am never around a computer. Today, I mustered up the courage to go to the bank and open up a savings account and a checking account. When I was younger, I got into a lot of trouble with both Wells Fargo and TCF Bank regarding overdrafts and fake money orders, but I figured it wouldn't show up due to the fact that I used a totally different social security number for those accounts. So I go to Chase, because I figure they just got bailed out and aren't in any position to deny new customers. Denied. She then informed me that I will not be able to open another account anywhere in the US for another seven to ten years. No loans. No cars. No houses. No computers. I'm stuck paying for everything in cold hard cash til then. And this whole time, I've been saving money for a down payment for a car too. A good friend of mine is letting me use his car to commute to work for a minute until I can somehow get my own, so I'm counting that as a blessing. I found out I have a reputation. I work a lot. I'm thinking about flying somewhere next week. I just watched High Fidelity for the first time, and I realized that John Cusack's character IS me, only a lot cooler and more subdued. My coworkers hate me and I can't figure out why. I'm really tired of paying for mistakes I made years ago still, no matter how pure my intent nowadays really is. I'm moving to Sacramento in a month or two to be closer to work. I don't associate myself with the same category of people I've always been associated with, and it is the best, most free feeling I've had in a long time. You step outside yourself and everything you know and view it from a non-partisan stance and you see how incredulous the life you formerly lived really is. I live a good life...

hybrid moments.

In all honesty, I had an entire, 100% disclosure of my week typed in here, then I decided it was too real and personal and trivial. It was a fun, wild week though. I was in the northwest from sunday until about an hour ago... working and learning. I met some absolutely amazing people and I'm sure a few of them have already turned into lifelong friends over the course of a week. I told people stories I've never told anybody. And had a great time with people I had never met and didn't know. I learned a lot, took a lot of dumb tests, travelled A LOT, and worked a lot. It was all in all a great week, no matter how exhausting or how much of a headache it was. I'm bummed that I have to come back to reality. Tomorrow, car hunt #2 starts, and I have to find a place that will finance me. Because I have 120$ to my name and terrible credit.

Turn the events and put it from neutral to cruise control.

I'm sailing away and nothing will ever be the same.

I'm sailing away to undiscovered seas.



Wednesday, my potential new job flew me up to portland for an intense interview and background check, drug test. It was a wild day... woke at 4am, flight left at 6am. landed. tested. ran back to catch the 9.50am flight. back in sacramento by 11:20. home by noon. showered. walked to the bus stop. worked at payless. walked home. nonstop.

right now im packing a bag(s) because theyre sending me to the pacific northwest all week. two days in seattle and four days in portland. then home. i have about 40$ to spend on the trip, and meals arent included, so lets see how that part pans out. rent and bills keep killin me... i dont even have enough after rent to pay my phone bill this month so im in a mad rush to scope out things i want to do up north on the computer and email all the important information to myself, so that when my phone gets shut off on tuesday, at least i wont be bored.

moms is kickin me out of the house in 30 days. crunch time. lots more travel means lots more pictures.