reality.

shamefully on my behalf, ive been spending too much time on the internet lately. but i guess thats what having no money, living in a shit town, and having nothing to do at all ever do to you. i should spend less time on the internet, because everytime im on for longer than 5 minutes, i see something in somebody else that i absolutely despise with all my soul. heres the latest one, fully developed in the past 5 minutes. I used to drink a lot... and by a lot, i mean a LOT, but for my birthday this year, i got insanely drunk and subsequently quit drinking. that makes me an authority on nothing. im just setting the stage for my current train of thought. so, when i used to always be drunk, thered always be people who essentially put me down and told me i was a piece of shit and why i drank as much as i did and did the shit i did while drunk and said the things i said. it never really phased me, considering the people who said them to me were/are mainly just lumps of shit that will never make it out of this dead end town, and if they do, theyll always maintain the same vacaville state of mind. (its wild how little matters when youve faced real life). this whole time i was always a pickled drunk bum, i never flaunted it through pictures of party times holding a bottle or a can, never flaunted it via fuckin myspace or in casual conversation. it was my demon. i recognized it as such, why would i publish such a terrible work of art? so, i browse the ol myspace tonight and i come across a bunch of peoples pages that openly ridiculed me for drinking. and you know what i see? default picture: tilting a bottle to the mouth. comment: come over and drink!!!!


like its an activity in itself? i know i speak for all the realest of the real that i had the fortunate misfortune of becoming close to when i was a lost trainwreck: this isnt a party. nobody cares if you drink. nobody cares. stop flaunting. i only care when you contradict yourself in immediate conjunction to "advice" you lectured to me. ill admit it, i dont remember writing at least 70% of these entries in here. there are some that i read and its like the first time reading it. why is drinking cool? thats the real point im getting at. who decides that its "cool"? see, naive people who havent been through any real SHIT in their life see it as a very easy gateway to the dark side of life. to the other side of the tracks. but why? why do people want to be from the other side of the tracks? why is that becoming socially acceptable.

us trainwrecks dont want you on our team. stay over there with your parents' car and gas fund and college education. see the harsh reality of reality in itself causes even the happiest little balls of light to blow up in a cataclysmic supernova to the point where it turns you into a black hole. an abyss. an abyss that only wants to swallow everything that is good and pure in this world down. i know where i come from and what makes me me. not many people know what makes me me. actually, nobody does. because ive never taken the time to tell it to anybody. alchohol isnt a scapegoat for mistake. it doesnt validate your stupidity. there are people in my life i dont remember having sex with because of alchohol. family outings ive missed. jobs ive lost. friends ive lost. potential relationships ive bombed. things ive lost. people ive fought. people ive placated that didnt deserve it.

thats the reality of it. does it sound attractive? does it excite you to know that you too can find out you had sex the night before only by a good friend being courteous enough to smell your dick? missing your sisters graduation? brothers band concerts? or being such a drunk that youre too drunk to go to a party thats thrown in your name? losing people you thought mattered because you lose your inhibitions and say something dumb? how about saying something dumb to the wrong person and losing lots of blood and getting two black eyes?

does a hangover after a 6 month drinking binge sound good? does that excite you? can you imagine that headache?


see, people who are shallow, insignificant, privileged, gaudy, insecure, and unintelligent who flaunt their mild consumption is like shitting on me and some people that i hold very close to my heart. speak softly but carry a big stick. discretion. its nothing to be proud of. we're slaves; but not by choice. how dare you choose to be one of us? to willingly feel the demons that plague our lives?


real recognize real, and youre lookin REAL unfamiliar.