"i believed in zines, sounds from the stereo..

they spit hard lies but for years it was all i knew. fast forward ahead, these kids dont mean shit. they stole my heart, jumped in the car, and split."



i opened an old email account of mine today, for the first time in almost two years. as i went through the inbox and old mailbox, the updates and letters from record labels that once meant so much to me became cheapened the more recent the newsletters got. I opened one sent to me from Bridge Nine today telling me about a have heart, ceremony, cruel hand, let down tour thats actually playing at places that arent DIY venues anymore. which is ironic, because from what i remember, and correct me if im wrong, all of those bands are DIY bands. i dont know and dont care who the fuck Let Down is, but the other bands i once knew as people and from what i knew, it was DIY til they DIE. I guess all the hype has mind altering effects? Its really just further confirmation that there is no such thing as real hardcore anymore. thats why i originally distanced myself from the scene, because the lyrics and message in no way reflected most of the band members' or fans' home lives. and it was contradictory. how can people write songs about being broke when their parents are feeding them money? how can they sing about having nothing when their families hand them everything on a silver platter? how can they sing about hating their mothers after they depend on them and accept and accept from them? it all became just one giant immature dance of not appreciating anything after awhile. the words "fuck" and "worthless" can only be said so many times before redundancy becomes a theme. nowadays, hardcore is really one or two bands and a legion of copy cats. the original ones did the smart thing and phased themselves out. or they rarely play shows and stay under the radar. because the message theyre trying to convey will mean nothing if everybody is screaming it into a microphone.

i hope i am never associated with this hardcore scene by connotation or context. when someone sees me on the street, i want them to think nothing of me and keep on walking without acknowledging me. as a visual figment of who i really am, i dont want it to exist in peoples mind. i want my words to mean something. nothing else. when you take a step back from the noxious, intoxicating pull of the hardcore scene, youll see how much better EVERYTHING ELSE is. if you like threatening environments where everything you do is judged, stay there. if you like dumb drama, stay there. the real world doesnt want you until you can get out of the social traning wheels of high school and the hardcore scene. when you experience tough times in any regards, it shapes every aspect of your life. both for the positive and the negative. and all the little insignificant shit that matters in the hardcore scene goes out the window because you suddenly know whats real and whats fake. and hardcore is fake. all of it. cant be in a DIY band if you live in a mansion. cant sing about the nitty gritty when you live in the glamour. your lyrics are my life. and my voice is our voice. the cast asides. get back to basics and stop being ungrateful. if i had half the opportunity and chance most of you had, i wouldnt have ever been in the scene. id be at harvard. making MONEY instead of trying to fit in with other fakes.


youre a joke. youre all jokes.