anxiety makes it harder for me to sleep at night nowadays. I have no idea what I'm even anxious of... I have no trials or tribulations to face anytime soon. couple my anxiety with me drinking WAY less often, and my eyes might as well stay open. I know some of you don't like hearing about me and my drinking habit because it sounds pathetic and probably cheapens your view on me, but I really don't care... because for the better or the worse, it is part of me... no matter how ugly and heinous it is. I stand for everything the world sweeps under a rug. that being said... its safe to say that my drinking binge starting on january 21st is successfully over. as of about a week ago. during that tenure, the longest I was sober was 24 hours at a time. and now, my willpower for school has taken over and I only drink on weekends IF I WANT TO. I'm not an alchoholic, I never was. anybody who habitually drinks a lot isn't an alchoholic. I've seen alchoholism. I've been close. if you don't wake up after a 2 hour booze nap at 7am and start SHAKING due to lack of alchohol, you're not an alchoholic. if you don't puke when you're sober, you're not an alchoholic. if you don't get fucking MIGRAINES due to alchohol deficiency, you're not an alchoholic. it sickens me when people I know or my peers claim they're alchoholics. like its something to be proud of. its a disease.. a psychosomatic psychological disorder. you subconsciously convince yourself of the need for alchohol until it becomes so routine that normal is a stretch... since its in the subconscious, you don't go around claiming that shit like its a fucking medal. show some respect for the hell that people suffer and don't degrade it with your 18 year old trendy presence. if its wishful thinking on your behalf, I feel pity for you. to want to be in that category of humans so degraded and jaded by the world that they HAVE to turn to substance. now I'm jaded... and I'm degraded... but I'm not weak enough or dumb enough to turn to inanimate objects out of necessity. I have my thoughts. I have my writing. I have my friends whom I love. I have my family. I'm selfless and alchoholism is a selfish mans disease. caused by being selfish. nursed through selfish acts. sometimes I feel like I'm the only person in the world left with any conscious thought. unbiased, conscious thought. I see the world on a level playing field and it seems as though I'm the only one calling the right game.
OPEN YOUR EYES.
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