Wilhelm.

He blindly reaches out in the thick night for her soft, smooth stomach. The animate warmth radiating from beneath his palm starts at the fingers and burns a tunnel all the way to his heart.

The express lane.
The quickest way home.

The Belltower House

Hey there, kid... can you recall?
The dry, chapped skin and dusty barren fields
The frigid gumballs in melting mitts
The cookie-cut strip where the summer nights gave silent lectures?

The half-empty pools and half-full heads
The innocent hearts in our separate beds?
Moms and dads searing their throats pealing calls for supper
From blocks away, the siren beckoned with promises of green beans and ramen noodles
And we'd cross the chasm in hands clasped tight
Then release in haste when we hit our street corner.

Super Mario and Donkey Kong in the day
The roofs hunched over us in eclipse of the sun
Cookies and milk mottling the table, giving the grout dots to connect
And I laughed at Ernie and you laughed at Burt
And we made cameos in dreams on Gullah Gullah Island.

Death and The Healing.

"A windstorm dropped a bird from the sky
It fell to the ground and it's wings broke and died
But when the time got by, back to the sky it flied
'Cause the wings healed in time and the bird was I

Time is the death and the healing
Take your last breath, 'cause death is deceiving
Time is the past, now and tomorrow
Days fly so fast and it leaves me so hollow

A snowstorm blew inside a wolf's eyes
And the frozen tears covered all the mountainsides
But then the time got by and the wolf died
And someday that wolf will be I"

a soliloque to no one.

January 17th, 1945

To:


I miss you. Even as I sit upon this fallen tree trunk doused with a fresh dusting of dry snow and dutifully apply ink to paper, I cannot conjure words big enough nor expansive enough that would even begin to alight upon the sturdy foundation of my love for you. I have been writing you for four years from beneath green burlap canvas sacks pitched and played as tents, and I have yet to read words so infathomably deep and injustifying of love as the ones I attempt to splay upon this pock-marked, damp page. My left big toe is gone. Frostbite took it in November... or maybe it was the surgeon who took it. Either way, the left toe that once was caressed by the soft, satin touch of the rolling blade of your forefinger is no more. As the days turn into weeks turn into months turn into years and still not a letter of reply or acknowledgement arrives from your ledger, I am beginning to feel like that toe also. The callouses that have built up on my exterior over the years are being nullified by the frigid chill that is the unknown. I haven't shaved in three days, nor have I brushed my teeth in weeks. I can't wait until this chasm of war is done for, and I can return back to you at your estate on the River Thames, and make the sweetest, most passionate, closest form of love to you that I can, for all the rest of eternity.

I dream of a warmer future in your arms and in your bed.


From: 1ST ENSIGN H. DUNNMORE. 23RD B.F.E. 15:34

Cold Winter.

I have a feeling this Winter is going to feel to me a lot colder than last year. The humidity content here in Northern California makes cold air seem so much colder than the air in dry, desert climates, because it is leaded with more water. So, instead of the 4 degree stinging Winter I had last year, this one will be a shivering 45 degree one that keeps me sore and chills the bones. Oh well.

Last night, me and Pilar and Kailee went over to my boss' house? Kind of a weird turn of events that brought me there, especially since I don't think she likes me very much, but it turns out shes cool with me. I got drunk for the first time in over a month off some white rum shots and then helped Stephanie hang up Christmas decorations around her apartment. Her son is adorable, we were hanging out for awhile. And her giant kitty Gabe is going to be mine soon, considering Stephanie hates him and I love him. I didn't do anything dumb and didn't get all bummed last night, which really makes me happy for a lot of different reasons. This morning, I woke up still pretty drunk and went to school and learned about Korea in the 50's and Vietnam in the 60's and what volitile areas of economic and political unrest they are. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly the United States goes from being a close ally of a country to being their enemy. The United States is like a really clingy, manipulating ex-girlfriend. Allies with Russia in World War I and World War II, then we argue with Russia over Germany and all of a sudden, The Cold War is here. America at its finest. Imperialism. Caveat Emptor. I finally figured out what I'm going to get tattooed across my chest/collar also. Script. Now that I am going to have all this money lying around and never have time to spend it, I think I'll make an appointment for a month or two from now to finish my left arm also. Stoked. I've been spending too much money on clothes and food, as per usual. Making money, though. Lots. At this pace, I should have debts paid and a car bought and an arm tattooed and clothes purchased in almost no time. School is NOT going well, though. I am officially overwhelmed. Not going to complain, because its school, but I have virtually no time or motivation anymore, I just want the semester to be over so I can take the normal hours I am at school and convert them into paid working hours. I haven't had a day off since I started working, and I don't suspect I will for a long time. Kailee's parents are throwing a Christmas party this Saturday, and I plan on showing up in full cosby sweater attire. Khakis and glasses, too. It should be fun. I really like having a primitive phone, for the most part. Since it is totally lame and uninteresting and not fun at all, it keeps my head and thoughts on work or school or people rather than with my head glued to the screen and zoned out in some fictional e-world that doesnt actually exist, besides on the internet. I really wanted to buy The Fountain yesterday, but I couldn't find it anywhere. If you know a place that sells it, let me know. I haven't been to the gym in over a week. Lametown. But oh well, I guess. I don't know if I'm going to renew my membership when it expires in a few weeks. Simply not enough time in a day. The opposite sex is starting to enter my dumb head again. That really sucks, but it can be good too. I found out and orchestrated that Colorado Sean will be coming to visit for awhile, which I am unbelievably stoked about. Then, after that, I will be heading to Denver for a few days to hang out and see everybody. Zak, Jeremy, Sammy, Hannah, Jake, Darren, Brian, Luis. You aren't forgotten in the head of Ryan Alves. I also really would like to go to Mitch's grave. Last time I was in Denver, he was alive and we had a GREAT time drinking whiskey together in movie theaters and at malls and in Zak's backyard. Then we'd go shoot guns. Then, the day after he lit his foot on fire and melted his shoe while we laughed at him, I got a phone call as I got off an airplane saying he was dead. Bummer. Anyways, with all tangents aside, travelling should be fun. This summer, me and Kailee might be headed to Europe with Pilar too so they can do a whole bunch of British guys and so I can bag myself an Italian superwife.

I love my friends.
I love my jobs.
I love my life.



You should too.

all quiet on the western front.

"and i will remember your name and face on the day you were judged by the funhouse cast, and i will rejoice in your fall from grace with a cane to the sky like 'none shall pass'"

hoy.

woke up tired from being out late last night with haley. it was chill we just had fun and food and all that.. i ate three bags of candy by myself, along with two volcano tacos and a thing of nachos. i was HIGH. woke up and failed my polisci test miserably. fuck the constitution. did the same for english. got lunch with dave taylor and hung out a bit. i got paid this weekend for about 55 total collective hours. so i went out and got a new phone with my money. I tried to resurrect the old number, but tmobile wasnt having it, so i had to get a new contract (sorry, justin... ill pay off the cancelled one...) so the number is 707 624 0616. text it. talk to me. let me know how things are in the rest of the world. even if you dont know me and stumbled across this blog, say hi. itll be entertaining. i went shopping at banana republic too and old navy. got some clothes. stoked. and now, i am going to work. good bye.