I took the longest way home then the shortcut to the promiseland. After months... years of cutting my toes on sharp riverbed rocks and getting my feet frostbitten by the barren mountain passes, I backtracked all the way to the beginning before I set out again... this time taking the short, safe road. I will never climb off the shit heap. There are just too many feet constantly kicking at the top... one of them is bound to hit me. Always does... without fail.
I am carless once again. I am once again at the bottom of the shit heap. Yeah... I still got a job. But I can't even get there in a convenient, timely manner anymore. The only thing keeping me even a tiny bit sane in this life was my ability to drive around and listen to music and escape the walls that enclose me, if even only for a few hours. That privilege deprives itself of my company now also. My car fucking blew up on me. Most people say "my car blew up... undriveable" and you think they blew a head gasket or something... no.... that situation is nowhere near poetic, climactic, or twisted enough for someone like me. My car literally blew up. Like... engulfed in flames. I salvaged a jacket, some baseball gear, and about 30 cds. That's all I have to show for myself and my tenure with a car. I came home and faced my parents like a dog with his tail between his legs. Why can't I just be like you? Why can't there be parents or grandparents that buy me a car? Why can't there be people to celebrate my mediocrity in my life too? Why can't I have a fucking helping hand too? I have nobody helping me. And no resources at my expenditure. I have to put my shit eating grin back on and get yet another second job somewhere. Life is giving me a lot of lemons, I just can't afford the water or sugar to make it into lemonade. So ill just continue to use them as baseballs and hit em into the neighbors' windows.
Back to the level of the walking man. Back to getting shit thrown at me from the undeserving proprietors of a life that can only be described as "superior"
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment